Ebook: The book of Joan: tales of mirth, mischief, and manipulation

Borrowed time -- She works hard for the money -- The need to succeed -- Fly me to the moan -- Sex, lies, and videotape -- Death be not loud -- "here's Johnny ...!" -- Truth be told -- Movin' on up! -- Can I take your order, please? -- A sport by any other name -- Fs and Us, Ps and Qs -- The gift of the grab -- Readin', ritin', and 'rithmetic -- Some things never change -- Brains vs. Boobs -- Better living through candy -- Boy meets girl (or whatever) -- Everybody's talking ... about everybody else -- "I want to live forever ..." -- Just say "yes" -- Speedy Gonzalez -- A house divided -- Mirror, mirror -- Bogey & Bacall -- Lock up your virgins -- The purse -- Dr. Frankenstein and the Red Carpet Monster -- The red carpet means you've made it! -- Know when to fold 'em -- Swag the dog -- Something in the oven -- Too soon? -- I love you ... or not -- The loo of love -- From here to maternity -- Begin the BAGuine -- Do you duty( -free shopping) -- A dingo stole my baby -- Murder and mayhem -- Parenting a parent -- Not under my roof -- Forty is the new fifty -- Pillow talk -- I've got a secret -- Customer disservice -- Fifty shades of Cray -- Ivy day -- Speaking of my mother ... -- The end.;Joan Rivers was known all over the world--from the Palace Theater to Buckingham Palace, from the bright lights of Las Vegas to the footlights of Broadway, from the days of talkies to hosting talk shows. But there was only one person who knew Joan intimately, one person who the authorities would call when she got a little out of hand. Her daughter and best friend, Melissa. Jo an and Melissa Rivers had one of the most celebrated mother-daughter relationships of all time. If you think Joan said some outrageous things to her audiences as a comedian, you won't believe what she said and did in private. Her love for her daughter knew no bounds--or boundaries, apparently. ("Melissa, I acknowledge that you have boundaries. I just choose to not respect them.") In The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief and Manipulation, Melissa shares stories (like when she was nine months old and her parents delivered her to Johnny Carson as a birthday gift), bon mots ("Missy, is there anything better than seeing a really good looking couple pushing a baby that looks like a Sasquatch who got caught in a house fire?"), and life lessons from growing up in the Rosenberg-Rivers household ("I can do tips and discounts and figure out the number of gay men in an audience to make it a good show. That's all the math you'll ever need."). These were just the tip of the iceberg when it came to life in the family that Melissa describes as more Addams than Cleaver. And at the center of it all was a tiny blond force of nature. In The Book of Joan: Tales of Mirth, Mischief and Manipulation, Melissa Rivers relates funny, poignant and irreverent observations, thoughts, and tales about the woman who raised her and is the reason she considers valium one of the four basic food groups.