Ebook: How to be champion: my autobiography

Foreword -- A bit about me -- What I was like at school -- Excellent things about the miners' strike -- Wearing glasses -- Things I've been bullied for -- Good things that happened at school -- Being a wallflower -- I've had proper jobs -- The big breakfast -- Dates I have had -- A love letter to my knockers -- Divorce -- Thirteen excellent break-up tips -- Moving back in with my parents -- So my proper jobs -- Pre-stand-up stand-up -- My first proper ten-minute set -- Counselling -- Things my dad taught me -- Not drinking -- Thing's I'm good at doing on my own -- Friendships -- The six men I have loved -- Holidays -- Getting married a second time -- Tips on making a relationship work -- My favourite room in the house -- Millican's law -- Life on the road -- I don't want kids -- My love of stationery -- Who do you think you are? -- Sometimes I hate myself -- Ten good things about being a bit overweight -- The poo holiday of 2011 -- The BAFTA article -- Standards issue -- How to be a comedian -- Why I'm not a criminal -- Not good at being famous -- #Joinin -- Tips for turning forty -- Recipe for my very favorite cake -- Being champion -- Acknowledgements.;Part autobiography, part self help, part confession, part celebration of being a common-or-garden woman, part collection of synonyms for nunny, Sarah Millican's debut book How To Be Champion delves into her super normal life with daft stories, funny tales and proper advice on how to get past life's blips -- like being good at school but not good at friends, the excitement of IBS and how to blossom post divorce. If you've ever worn glasses at the age of six, worn an off-the-shoulder gown with no confidence, been contacted by an old school bully, lived in your childhood bedroom in your thirties, been gloriously dumped in a Frankie and Benny's, cried so much you felt great, been for a romantic walk with a dog, worn leggings two days in a row even though they smelt of wee from a distance, then this is your book. If you haven't done those things but wish you had, this is your book. If you just want to laugh on a train/sofa/toilet or under your desk at work, this is your book.