Ebook: King of the mild frontier: an ill-advised autobiography

• A good reason to be phobic about oysters and olives?
• That you can step inside a roaring coal furnace and feet cool?
• That Jesus had an older brother?
• How shutting your mouth can help you avoid brain surgery?
• How to avoid cow-pies during your baptism?
• How to survive in the winter wilderness with only a fishing pole and a sausage?

And once you have read about Chris Crutcher's life as a dateless, broken-toothed, scabbed-over, God-fearing dweeb, and once you have contemplated his ascension to the buckskin-upholstered throne of the King of the Mild Frontier, you will close this book, close your eyes and hold it to your chest, and say, "I, too, can be an...