Ebook: How to travel with a salmon & other essays

How to travel with a salmon -- How to replace a driver's license -- How to eat in flight -- How to go through customs -- How to travel on American trains -- How to take intelligent vacations -- How to use the taxi driver -- How not to talk about soccer -- How to use the coffeepot from hell -- How to react to familiar faces -- How to be a TV host -- How not to know the time -- Stars and stripes -- Conversation in Babylon -- On the impossibility of drawing a map of the empire on a scale of 1 to 1 -- How to eat ice cream -- How it begins, and how it ends -- How to justify a private library -- How to compile an inventory -- How to spend time -- How to buy gadgets -- How to follow instructions -- How to become a Knight of Malta -- How to deal with telegrams -- How not to use the fax machine -- How not to use the cellular phone -- Three owls on a chest of drawers -- Editorial revision -- Sequels -- How to use suspension points -- How to write an introduction -- How to write an introduction in an art catalogue -- How to set the record straight -- How to watch out for widows -- How to organize a public library -- How to speak of animals -- How to play Indians -- How to recognize a porn movie -- How to avoid contagious diseases -- How to choose a remunerative profession -- The miracle of San Baudolino.;In these "impishly witty and ingeniously irreverent" essays (Atlantic Monthly), "the Andy Rooney of academia" (Los Angeles Times) takes on computer jargon, librarians, bureaucrats, meals on airplanes, bad coffee, taxi drivers, 33-function watches, soccer fans, and more. Translated by William Weaver. A Helen and Kurt Wolff Book.